“Remember what you were before – before you learned to doubt yourself”

Life-KOUCH TA Sebastian shares the experience of personal transformation: how from an uncertain girl she turned into a bold woman.

At five, I was a thin girl with curly hair. In those days, life seemed to me magical. I read books and lived in the world of fantasies, composed stories and dreamed of distant countries. Inquisitive mind and curiosity led me along. I was a little girl with big dreams. There was no impossible. Life was filled with happiness.

Then I went to school. It was not easy, sometimes unbearable. I was not like classmates and did not try to fit into the team. As a result, I was chosen by the object of persecution. I tried not to attract attention, but classmates constantly teased for poor vision, love of books and craving for study. Once they pushed me so that I received a concussion.

It was not easy with teachers. The mathematics teacher called me stupid several times and said that mind and beauty are incompatible things. She constantly humiliated me in front of the class, because of this I hated mathematics. I believed that I have no abilities. Before each exam, I panic. Only in high school I realized that mathematics is my teeth.

These events influenced the attitude towards themselves and others. I began to try to please others, forgot how to say “no” and put my interests in the first place. I constantly expected danger.

As they grow older, I began to pay more attention to the appearance. I hated thin legs and curly hair, found flaws in everything. I thought it was not worthy of love. I fell in love with the guys who humiliated me, feeding my ego with my pain and uncertainty. I missed the courage to break even the most difficult relationships.

I often experienced anger and anxiety. These feelings made me overeat with sweets and weeks to work without days off

I could not look in the face of problems and drowned out the pain with sweet. The pleasure of food for a few moments gave comfort: I felt satisfied and did not think about anything else. But soon pain and guilt were replaced, and I began to hate myself even more.

I ignored my feelings and refused to understand what the body told me. I began to doubt my abilities and lost faith in myself, calling and dreams, stopped smiling. I often experienced anger and anxiety. These feelings made me cut my hair often, overeat with sweets and work for weeks without weekends in order to fall without strength and not think about problems.

In the end, I was tired of humiliating myself and living not my life. I put off real life for later, because I did not know what I want. Deep down she understood that I needed healing. I prepared to take a decisive step. One sunny day during the run for me came the moment of truth. I looked at the people who were in a hurry on business

. They all looked as if they knew where they were going. Then I stopped and asked myself the question: “What do you really want?»It was a revelation that is difficult to explain in words. I was filled with incredible strength and energy. I seemed to have awakened and decided to take life into my own hands and start living as I deserve it.